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The Fuck You Rant
Last night, millions of people had sex. Some had sex on desks, in pools, in elevators, in the car, on a roof and even in beds. But that’s not the problem. Some had sex doggie style, some had sex standing up, some had sex in the butt, some had oral sex, some had sex in yoga positions and some had sex upside down. I know, it’s horrid right, but it gets worse…
Some had sex with an older man, some with a younger woman, some with a stranger, some with a prostitute and even some… with someone of the same gender. Yes! There I said it! Some people, possibly millions had sex last night with someone of the same gender. Man ON man, woman on woman and even homosexual orgies.
Oh the disgust! Tossing and turning I couldn’t sleep. How was I to stop my mind from thinking of all the horrible ways people were having sex? How was I to go to work, How could I think of anything else. It must stop! We can’t have it! It’s amazing that societies function at all, what with all the evil sexing going on.
I mean really, the fact that 20,000 children will die today, that thousands will be raped and abused, that there are thousands homeless, that there are those sick and dying from preventable disease – None, holds a candle to this catastrophe befalling our nation. Gay sex is rampant and it must be stopped.
We’ve looked through our bible and found what the lord hates and out of those 613 things, the one that matters most, the one that is so important it wasn’t put in the holy 10 commandments, the one that is more of an abomination than any other of the abominations is gay sex.
Of course this requires a bit of an imagination, but we all know, that gay sex has to be the worst thing ever. We considered the thou shalt not kill thing but even God killed millions, we considered the thou shall not wear clothes of different fabrics, plant crops side by side, pick up sticks or work on the sabbath but although commands by God, we feel he understands that too many of us do those things and if we abided by his edicts, we would have to kill every Christian living. So we’ve selected homosexuality, because it effects us to our core.
Homosexuality and it’s sinful sex is the source for all kinds of problems… It causes, well it endorses, ummmm it creates bad stuff. You know like, really really bad stuff. Like it effects society in ways I can’t even… Well we just know it’s bad because we are sheep, we practice the mindless, useless arts of the ignorant. In that we’ve been told by really really important Christian leaders that it’s really really bad and wrong and so here we stand.
You can call us bigots but Jesus will straighten you out later. We may suffer here, but God knows our rewards are in heaven. You know that place that god has made for us Christians, that place we learned of in the bible, the same bible that endorses slavery, genocide, infanticide, homocide, rape, torture and human sacrifices. Of course we know some of it can’t be right and we don’t abide, but we know, oh we know for a fact the bits about heaven are very true. For the same reasons we know that homosexuality is bad, we know heaven is so so true.
And then there was more…
Romans 3:23 reads: For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. This may be exactly why God can’t be found and remains so absent.
As a Christian, I was proud to call myself a sinner. It was some sort of narcissistic, self loathing attention whoring thing that only us true Christians could claim as something positive.
I could comfort one who’d made a mistake just by saying, We are all sinners, we all fall short. Either way, you’ll be a sinner to someone.
Just stick some bacon in your mouth and you’re a goddamned sinner to about 2 billion people. Hell fire, due to original sin, being born is enough to many Christians to be deemed a sinner for life.
From showing the bottoms of your feet, turning a switch on Sundays, eating leavened bread, showing your face, being seen without a male family member, shaving your beard, driving a car, masturbating, drinking coffee, swimming on Sundays, gathering sticks, not attending church, not paying tithes and thousands of others, to someone you’ll always be a sinner.
So what’s the fucking value in this? It appears sin is some arbitrary edicts damned by some self appointed holy one who talked to the invisible while roaming the desert and raping sheep.
As a Christian waking up was a challenge, not only could I not partake in the caffeinated wake me up beverages, I would fear what thoughts roamed my mind at night. Did I have a sexual thought, would those thoughts lead to more conscious thoughts during the day and give cause for me to repent again on Sunday.
Under threat of eternal damnation I would hesitantly approach each day. Could I avoid thinking hateful thoughts when the car beside me attempts a you turn in front of me? When my co workers tell a dirty joke, will I be able to walk away? When the morons at McDonalds short me a burger and omit the straw from by bag will I remain forgiving, when Amber bends over at the file cabinet will I turn my head to avoid looking at her ass, will instead my thoughts be controlled by Satan and I allow fantasies of her lying in my bed?
When the little league team offers no decaffeinated drinks will I be able to resist and wait till I’m home to drink god endorsed sodas? When Rob tells me of his weekend escapades, will I share the gospel with him or will I be like the heathens and revel in his conquests.
Really, is it possible to go through one day without sinning? According to the doctrines of which I subscribed, the answer is a painfully – NO.
Some may avoid caffeine, some may avoid sexual thoughts, some may avoid masturbation and others may avoid anger but no one will avoid them all. It’s as if the writers wanted the net cast – to be large enough to insure not one single escapee. They wanted everyone to feel guilty and everyone to fill remorse.
How else could they insure your continued and repeated returns for forgiveness, how else could they encourage your tithes?
The church leaders, those responsible for maintaining the coffers filled each Sunday must cast the largest nets.
Their nets included anything from the mundane consumption of caffeine to the crimes of your mind. They then could deem everyone a sinner and provide the forgiveness.
It’d be like finding out that the company offering the water purification units was up stream polluting the river with poison, thus contaminating your only water supply. This is religion. With the exception that water poisoning is real and sin is not. They poison society with ideas of sin, thus creating a system of social policing so that each person is being watched and judged by his peers. They even create edicts against judging others so as to insure that every living, breathing human is guilty of sin. And for those slick enough to avoid the prying eyes of their fellowman, they preach that God is everywhere and you can not escape his eyewitness.
You are doomed and damned from the beginning. In our society, the harmless act of lust, the viewing of the nudity, self stimulation, the profane words and the private consensual sex of same sexed people is an abomination. It’s all sin and religion is hell bent on making you feel guilty about it.
Last week I was in Hickory NC for the Natl. Day of Reason. Gene Elliot the president of hickory humanists organized this fantastic event. A preacher was standing nearby with a big button that read, NO Porn! So that’s your goddamn message? Save the world, end all of the trials and tribulations faced on this earth, if only we could stop all of you from looking at nude pictures and videos.
He honestly viewed pornography and your viewing of it – a deadly sin, one that would be punished with eternal fire and torture. I asked what the harm with porn is and he immediately told me I wouldn’t understand because I’m an atheist. I prodded him to elaborate as to the harm, as in – what demonstrable harm can you show due to porn?
God doesn’t want us naked, god wants us to be pure.
Nowhere in the Bible does god speak on porn.
In Matthew Christ says that if we lust we have committed adultery and when you look at porn you are lusting.
Ok, so you’ve showed me where it could be implied in the bible, but what is the actual harm?
He says, You’re disobeying God.
Ok, again, that’s the bible. Can you show me how porn does harm? The bible also says that if I hit you – you are to turn the other cheek. What if I hit your wife, would you demand that she follow this command from the new testament? We don’t follow these commands because we know they are ignorant and condone abuse. I want to know how pornography harms society?
He again ignored it and said that I wouldn’t understand.
This wasn’t about how to help someone in need, this is about making himself feel better while demonizing something he has been convinced is bad.
He had a sign, it read: Are you a real or fake atheist?
I’m a real one, I don’t believe in God. “but do you love your family, do you think murder is wrong, do you think beastiality is wrong?” Why yes, I do. Well then you are a fake atheist.
His goal was to create a strawman and then tear it down, which he did, I mean he kicks some shit out of the ignorantly concocted fictitious demon strawman. Problem was, there were no atheists there who could relate, none of us were – murder and rape are great type atheists and so his message fell mostly on deaf ears.
His equally uneducated crew of Christards marched around us in groups of two, they held their phones close to their ears to avoid hearing any of our reasoned words. Around and around they went for over an hour, once in a while stopping to lift their hands to the heavens.
Before we got started, one preacher said he had just returned from Africa on a mission where people were dying to hear the word of god and be saved and was extremely disappointed to be coming home to find the atheists were celebrating reason.
I called out to him after he was done, stating that those people in africa weren’t dying to hear from a preacher or a god, they were dying, literally dying from lack of food. He frowned and walked off with his atheists are going to hell sign.
Yet religion does no harm? It makes innocent children feel unworthy, it threatens all with eternal fires and absence of family, it makes the trivial – of value in the eyes of many.
So again, I say ————————— Fuck Religion and Fuck Your Sin
If sin existed it would be the sin of building worship halls and pastor palaces while millions starve, if sin existed it would be a sin to delude the masses using fear and fright to abscond with their monies, if sin existed, it would be sinful to encourage prayer instead of seeking real help. These would be sins. Instead to we, the humanists – they are the most evil and vile and are crimes against humanity.
I missed ya’ll last week. I know you already recapped ReAsonCon but I just had to tell everyone that came, supported us and all the speakers, thank you! It was a freak’n blast and I do believe the best time I’ve ever had at a conference.
Tracie Harris was amazing. She has this beautiful smile that disguises a bit of sarcasm as she shared the art of analogies. Tracie has an uncanny ability to take some convoluted indoctrinated and strongly held belief and present it in analogy form so that the recipient can relate easily. What a huge benefit to those of us who enjoy a little debate once in a while. Expect to see more of her in the movements power players.
Richard Carrier flew in from California and spent 3 hours annihilating the fiction that is the Christ myth. He took questions from attendees and even a group of Christians came in like tshirts and were able to ask their questions too. Richard has a book called “Why I Am Not A Christian” that is a must read and I would encourage everyone to grab a copy. He has a newer book out as well, but the short succinct and easily read Why I am Not a christian is easy on my brain.
Ryan Bell, the ex-Pastor who has a wonderful blog account of his year without God spoke and shared his process, his experiences thus far and where he’s headed. His talk had a soft reverence to it that endeared him to the listeners. It was a pleasure having him among us Heathens.
My beautiful daughter Phoebe spoke about her early years with her first family and the myriad of religions she experienced. Obviously I’m biased but Phoebe did an amazing job. She was inspired by the crowd and all the wonderful comments afterwards.
We will have the videos from the conference online soon at Atheists On Air’s youtube page.
One of my favorite parts of Reasoncon was the late saturday night thru early sunday morning impromptu podcast recording by Bobby C and the No Religion Required podcast. The Bar Room Atheists, Richard Carrier, Tracie Harris, Ryan Bell and the entire crew of the Scathing Atheist sat around with a lively but drunken audience for over 3 hours. You can hear this amazing podcast in the 3 part series at No Religion Required.com But be warned, after hearing my friendlier, respectable show, you may be offended when entering.
049 – Homosexuality Is Bad Because… Get pissed with Cash. The rant comes first. Bonus: What the fuck is this “sin” shit?